you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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