my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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