I wanna bring you to show and tell
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
