Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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