Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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