Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
