dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
