I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
