btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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