yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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