I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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