Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
