just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
