I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
