My room smells like vodka and shame
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
