Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
time to smoke my breakfast
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize