There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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