I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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