I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
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