Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
