Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
