from now on my penis is your penis
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
