Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
