I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
