yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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