i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
