Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
