please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
