Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Randomize
