Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
