I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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