Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
