ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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