OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
