so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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