We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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