I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize