people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
