At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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