people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
