Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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