he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Mom said you looked used
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
