my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
