She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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