Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Who died my cat blue again?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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