I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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