We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
