I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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