I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize