You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize