Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
