I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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