Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
kristin has been a bad kristin
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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