pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
