dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
