remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
