How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
