You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Just invented taco cereal.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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