Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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