and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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