There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
