I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
