It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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