OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
