I love black thongs
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
