What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
