that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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